Equality minister Harriet Harman has warned that anyone who utters a single word about her £350 fine for driving without due care and attention will face the full fury of Britain's anti-discrimination laws and receive up to five years in prison if found guilty of harassing her over the nine penalty points on her driving licence.
Ms Harman - who avoided picking up an additional three points for using her mobile phone whilst driving, thus escaping an automatic ban, because the latter charge was dropped by the Crown Prosecution Service on the grounds of her jolly importance - angrily warned Britain's men to refrain from making the slightest disparaging remark about women drivers, or face the consequences.
Ms Harman, whose jolly importance to the well-being of the nation also includes her role as leader of the House of Commons, already had six points on her licence for two counts of thinking the speed limit only applied to ordinary little people.
The incident took place in July, when Mr Harman collided with a parked car whilst attempting the extremely difficult manoeuvre of driving her ministerial Rover out of a parking space whilst yapping away nineteen to the dozen. The owner of the stationary vehicle saw the collision from his flat, and telephoned the police as she drove away.
"Next time Harriet Harperson wants to conduct her constituency business," he told reporters after the verdict was delivered, "She might want to drop her ministerial car in one of the extra-wide parking bays which are a feature of China's new pink-painted women-only car park, and then catch a flight back to London."
"Or she could just make Britain's roads safer by staying in China," he added, moments before an armed response equality monitoring unit led by newly-honoured Asst Commissioner Cressida Dick burst in and shot him.
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