Women's Mags: 'G-Spot Certainly Does Exist - We've Been Using It For Years'

The existence of the elusive G-spot - which was called into question today by a research team from King's College London, who claim it is nothing but a figment of the imagination promoted by women's magazines and sex therapists - has been angrily asserted by women's magazines and sex therapists.

"Girls! How dare these men - and they must be men, 'cos they're from King's College - deny you your lovely G-spot?" demanded Cosmopolitan's chief frigologist, Barbarella X. Tatic. "We've been stimulating women's G-spots for decades. Just listen to yourselves moaning with orgasmic pleasure at the very mention of the things that drive us wild - words like 'size 0', 'anti-ageing', 'shoes', 'cosmetic', 'bargain' and 'chocolatier'."

"Excuse me for a minute, I've come over all funny," she added. "See? See?"

Marie-Claire's top sextician Roxanne Summers also insisted that the G-spot was real.

"The existence of a part of the body which sends women into paroxysms of ecstasy has long been known to the advertising industry," she pointed out. "Look at ads from the dark ages of 1930s - the only things women were thought to be find remotely pleasurable were regular bowel movements and a squeaky-clean toilet. But that all changed when ad-agency scientists discovered the existence of gullibility."

"Look, we all know that even the most expensive anti-wrinkle miracle products are nothing more than cheap aqueous cream and a bit of scent," she went on. "But what you have to remember is that women really don't want to get any older. It's the same with their other obsessions. Women want to eat cream pastries and chocolate all day long, yet they also crave the figure of a praying mantis. Hence they'll jump at any new diet fad, no matter how daft, as long as it doesn't tell them to eat less and exercise more."

"Fifty years of extensive market research has proved the existence of the gullibility spot beyond question," she laughed. "It's that spongy thing between the ears. No doubt about it."

"Next they'll be saying that, deep down, macho men who act like complete bastards are really just covering up a caring, sensitive nature," commented King's College researcher Dr Martha Strangelove drily. "So the G-spot exists, does it? My aunt Fanny."