The recession will, sooner or later, come to an end everywhere except in Britain, according to the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development.
"Thanks to firm action to stimulate our economies, it appears we have escaped the worst during this crisis," said Angel Gurria, the think tank's secretary general, after better-than-expected performances from the United States and the bigger developing countries.
"Unfortunately, in Britain you have the dead weight of Gordon Brown pressing you deeper into the mire," he explained. "Every time his mouth opens, you hope against hope for some sign of vitality - but it turns out to be just another bubble of gas escaping from his decomposing innards. You poor sods."
The OECD report also pointed out that the economies of other nations are based on producing something or other, whereas in the UK a parcel was just passed around in a big circle, with players fondly imagining it to be worth ever-increasing amounts of money - until somebody actually opened it, and found nothing but strips of old newspaper and an IOU.
Even so, Britain's future is not entirely bleak, said Mr Gurria optimistically.
"Look at Italy," he said. "Millions of people visit Rome every year to gawp in wonder at the ruins of a once-mighty civilisation that was once the envy of the world. Of course, they had to wait 1500 years for rubble to have much of an effect on the economy, but then it took centuries for their solidly-designed buildings to fall into ruin. Without expensive maintenance, London's phallic glass-and-steel skyline should start to collapse well within the lifetimes of many of its inhabitants."
"Well, the few cannibals who survive, anyway," he added.
No comments:
Post a Comment