The living dead community has been fulsome in its praise of Mackson Wackson, who did so much to raise public awareness of the life-changing condition.
"Brains! Brains, brains, brains, brains, brains," explained a half woman strapped to a gurney in a crematorium, while half a dog yapped mournfully and a particularly eloquent corpse called for more paramedics to deal with the issue.
"For years, people spared little thought for the terrible plight of the reanimated, cannibalistic corpses of the dead," explained a leading zombologist, Papa Doc Duvalier. "If the walking dead entered the public consciousness at all, it was either through the terrible negative stereotypes portrayed by the popular media, or by biting deep into the frontal lobes.
"Zombies don't actually want to trap you in an isolated building, terrorise you out of your wits and smash their way in to feast on your entrails. It's a compulsion. They have no free will, in fact they have no will at all. But I think that, nowadays, people who find themselves in situations like this are more inclined to consider things from the zombie's vacant-eyed perspective. In fact, you'll find that more and more of their gnawed, bloody remains are rising up and joining the unstoppable rampage of the living dead."
"It took the compassion of Mackson Wackson to remind everyone that it's not all just lumbering around in the shadows, dressed in shabby clothes," continued the former houngan and murderous president of Haiti. "He showed the world that, through the healing power of music therapy, zombies love to express their creativity by formating on each other and showing off their funky, twitching moves. So the next time you meet a zombie on a dark night, instead of running away and screaming for help, why not pass him one of your earbuds and share your iPod playlist with him?"
"And your juicy, succulent brains, obviously," he added.
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