Supermarkets Happy With Record Number Of Einsteins Stacking Their Shelves

Britain’s leading supermarkets have welcomed the official announcement that this year’s crop of part-time shelf-stackers have achieved record A level grades, with no less than 12.8% achieving three or more A or A* passes.

Looks like Tesco are interviewing again

“With more certified geniuses beavering away in our aisles than ever before, the risk of product mismatching has effectively been eliminated completely,” enthused Tesco CEO Philip Clarke. “If any of our customers has a problem, they can rest assured that our customer assistants will gladly solve it for them, possibly by doing differential calculus in their heads.”

“We also look forward, when they graduate with first-class honours in three years’ time, to welcoming them into full-time positions where their unprecedented brainpower will set them on a meteoric career path. In three to five years, there’s every possibility that these young Einsteins will be settling into the coveted chair behind the one remaining staff-operated till we’ll retain for doddering old coffin-dodgers who insist on shouting ‘Eh? Speak up, I’m eighty-two’ when our automated check-outs inform them of an unexpected item in the bagging area.”