Tuesday 26 July 2011

Nick Clegg Patiently Waiting For A Party Invitation From Murdoch

Full details are emerging of the frequency with which Tory cabinet members came running when Rupert Murdoch snapped his fingers, often leaving deputy prime minister and Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg on his own for hours as he waits in vain to be invited to play with the all-powerful magnate’s little lad, James.

In his 15 months as Chancellor, for example, George Osborne has met executives from News International 16 times. Meanwhile, education secretary Michael Gove has been invited to dinner with his former employer Rupert Murdoch six times, also meeting senior Murdoch henchmen another six times. Mr Gove – whose wife’s career at News International, coincidentally, seems to be flourishing nicely – firmly insists that his honourable aim has always been to learn more about the miraculous educational techniques which have successfully burned the teachings of the Sun and the News Of The World into millions of Britain’s thick.

Nick Clegg informs his party that his nappy needs changing
Even Labour’s Ed Miliband has been summoned by the Murdochs 15 times since winning the Labour Party in a raffle, while poor Mr Clegg can only list a single occasion – in February 2011 – when then-CEO Rebekah Brooks rang him up out of boredom and ordered him to come over and amuse her.

“You’d think Nick might seize this moment to get up on his high horse, breaking up the coalition and forcing a general election which might just save his MPs’ sorry arses, tarring both Labour and the Conservatives with the taint of Murdoch, wouldn’t you?” said a Downing Street insider. “But of course he’ll just sit in his playpen as usual, filling his Pampers and watching Cbeebies. Remember that new chapter in British politics you all voted in last year? Well, there it is.”

1 comment:

Von said...

It's tragic, really. Opportunity after opportunity arises for Cleggy to be some sort of meaningful force in the political landscape, or at least to return to the ideas factory of the opposition where most of his voters would secretly prefer the party to remain so they can have something ideologically sound but ultimately impractical to vote for... but he seems glued to the idea of being the first Liberal in almost a century who can legitimately put Prime Minister near his name without the qualifying 'isn't'.