But We Need £3500 PCs For Crysis 2, Retort Civil Servants

The computer says your benefits are suspended, mate

Civil servants have defended typical expenditures of up to £3500 on desktop computers, revealed today in a report by the Public Administration Select Committee, pointing out that Crysis 2 looks “the dog’s bollocks” on their awesome liquid-cooled Acer Predator Destroyer 2 PCs with 12Gb of RAM and Alienware OptX 3D-ready 23” monitors - adding that, without their Cyborg R.A.T. 9 gaming mice and Evo gaming seats with built-in joystick and gamepad, then they might as well go back to drawing noughts and crosses in ledger books with quill pens.

Parsimonious committee chairman Bernard Jenkin insists that the minimum spec for the dystopian alien shoot-em-up could easily be met by the simplest £400 laptop. However, the government’s head of IT procurement, Josh Geake, 22, pointed out that the likely frame rate of 10fps and minimal resolution would render the game unplayable, resulting in a serious degradation in morale within the civil service.

“Such ill-advised penny-pinching would inevitably result in a massive increase in pulling sickies, as entire government departments realised they might as well just stay at home banging away at the Xbox and PS3 versions,” he predicted gravely. “If the civil service is to maintain its traditional standards of excellence, then it has to – die, die, DIE you alien FUCKERS!”