As Britain’s papers gratefully drop all coverage of the murky workings of Britain’s papers, in favour of blanket coverage of the fortuitously-timed death of Amy Winehouse just as the BBC aired allegations that illegal phone-hacking was also rife at the Sunday Mirror, prime minister David Cameron issued a heartfelt appeal to Pete Doherty – now the nation’s last remaining Troubled Singer – to pump his entire stash into a vein at the earliest opportunity.
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| Carpe diem, urges the PM |
“The sad and sudden loss of Amy Winehouse in her prime serves as a timely reminder that there are bigger things in life than a prime minister’s relationship with a media tycoon,” a red-eyed Mr Cameron told enthusiastic reporters, as he placed an onion in his breast pocket. “At this time of national crisis, we should pause to ask ourselves whether ridiculous claims about the supposed power of one elderly American gentleman over Britain’s politicians are really more important than the tragic death of a young lady who was an inspiration to us all. Pete Doherty’s senseless death, preferably by Wednesday at the latest, would give the public even more cause to reflect on the things that really matter.”
To cheers from the assembled journalists, the prime minister went on to suggest that an all-out crèche massacre by tooled-up idiots from the English Defence League would be “an intolerable affront to civilised society, which would fill the papers magnificently until everyone forgets all about this spiteful little vendetta of petty tittle-tattle” against his good friend Mr Murdoch.
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