Media Struggling To Come To Terms With Existence Of Norway

As Norwegian police continue to question far-right mass murderer Anders Behring Breivik over the senseless slaughter of 92 people, the world’s media are reduced to running Norwegian editorial posts through Google Translate while they try to locate the previously unreported country.

This might be Norway

London’s international airports are crowded with tabloid journalists desperate to locate the parents of assassinated children and demand - through their front doors, in the best traditions of the British press - to know how it feels to have their child gunned down by a right-wing loony.

“I’ve had all my jabs for tropical diseases, now for God’s sake somebody point me at a sobbing foreigner. The British public simply can’t take much more tactful Norwegian reflection,” slurred one hack at Heathrow, speaking for hundreds as he propped up the bar in Terminal One’s ‘Tin Goose’. “I’m just lubricating my throat so I can shout louder, because I read somewhere that Norwegians don’t have letterboxes in their mud huts.”

Meanwhile, stymied US reporters are shifting the search for Norway to the state of Wisconsin, on the strength of a tip-off from a Mr Yon Yonson who claims to work in a lumber mill there.