Disability Assessments Not Entirely Perfect But Carry On Anyway, Says Select Committee

Clear evidence of correct apostrophe use - get a job, Einstein

The Work and Pensions Committee has published its report on the reassessments forced on the sick and disabled today – bravely arriving at the conclusion that, although they may well be rubbish and vulnerable people may well be genuinely suffering as a result, and given the unfortunate absence of any alternative suggestions in the report, the government might as well carry on with them.

“We have spoken to Atos, who carry out these ludicrous assessments, and we have spoken to the Department for Work and Pensions, who are greatly amused by them,” gushed committee chair Dame Anna Begg. “The general consensus seems to be that it’s a rotten system, but it’s our rotten system and we’re bloody well going to stick with it come hell or high water – and who are we, a mere parliamentary select committee, to disagree with them?”

“That’s not to say that we haven’t made important recommendations, however,” she added brightly. “For example, we recommended that the DWP penpushers stop simply rubber-stamping the computer’s usual assessment of disabled people as fully fit for work and take a brief look at the claimant’s file, and the department has given us its solemn assurance that somebody there will certainly read that paragraph in the fullness of time.”

“We also recommended that the media stop labelling all disabled people as a bunch of workshy scroungers,” she added. “No doubt you’ll notice how the papers have taken that on board tomorrow morning.”