The world of popular music aimed at people with a mental age of more than five continues to disappear up its own arse, as 90s has-beens Damon Albarn and Björk launched their latest vanity projects in Manchester.
Albarn has fallen victim to the urge - tragically common to ageing egotists from the pop industry - to insist that he is a serious modern composer, rather than the bloke who taught your dad to shout “You should cut down on your pork life mate, get some exercise”, by staging what he insists is a proper opera. In an innovative twist which never occurred to pedestrian dullards like Wagner and Rossini, however, Albarn’s ‘Dr Diddly Dee’ masterpiece features the composer spanking his plank on a godlike perch above the stage.
 |
| Everybody sing along now: Plunk, bzzz, parp |
Meanwhile, puffin-botherer Björk launched the Manchester International Festival by filling a stage with various plunking, fizzing, wheezing and farting mechanical toys, after David Attenborough’s disembodied voice solemnly warned the audience of the horrors awaiting them. Stamping around Doc Brown’s laboratory from ‘Back To The Future’ and dressed as an orange lollipop, Iceland’s most irritating pixie terrified her long-suffering fans with detailed descriptions of parasites eating snails’ brains and exhorted them to download iPhone apps expressly designed to randomly mangle her back catalogue.
“Is this what Rihanna will be doing in 20 years’ time?” said a five-year-old from Salford. “Mummy, I’m scared. I don’t want to grow up.”
No comments:
Post a Comment