Conservatives Still Struggling To Grasp Fundamental Requirement Of Consumerism

As yet another high street retailer, fashion retailer Jane Norman, went into administration due to the ongoing impoverishment of the general population, senior Conservatives are still showing no signs of recognising that the consumerist model of capitalism which operates in Britain depends entirely on consumers having any money to spend.

Think of it as a sort of V&A for this year's tat

With even the consumerist cathedrals of Tesco reporting a fall in UK sales figures, retail industry leaders are said to be struggling to come up with a diagram so simple that even chancellor of the exchequer George Osborne can understand it.

“We drew a picture with a woman holding her purse, and a shop, and her little house and family,” said CBI head Sir Roger Carr. “We simplified it so that the shop is also her workplace - which is how we like it - and drew two arrows marked ‘money’ going to and from it, and another arrow marked ‘stuff’ going from the shop to her house."

"For the sake of clarity, we left out added complications such as energy providers,” sighed Sir Roger, who also happens to be the chairman of Centrica. “But George just giggled and drew a big pair of tits on her, then asked why stuff didn’t go back from her house back to the shop.”

“OK, so he seems to have a pretty shrewd picture of the low-grade rubbish our shops are stocking nowadays,” he grumbled. “Unfortunately, though, he still doesn’t seem to have the faintest idea about money.”