The Daily Mail threatened to implode into a singularity of self-hatred today as dead-eyed political editor James Chapmouse robotically penned a front-page article urging non-union workers to defy striking ‘bullies’, in the forlorn hope that foul-mouthed editor and chief hypocrite Paul Dacre might be moved to merely bare his fangs and hiss at him for once instead of calling him a cunt - along with the Mail’s other section heads - in his regular morning rant.
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| The unacceptable face of bullying in the workplace |
Members of the public walking past the Mail’s Northcliffe House offices were treated to the usual hysterical stream of four-letter-words, however, as Dacre beat the hapless Chapmouse over the head with a copy of the morning’s paper wrapped around a baseball bat and called his senior political reporter a useless fucking cunt for failing to follow up the hard-hitting headline, ‘Defy The Strike Bullies’, with any stirring words of scab encouragement.
“I’m not 100% word perfect, as much of Paul Dacre’s torrent of abuse was masked by the screams of his underlings,” reported one shocked bystander. “But I’m sure he wasn’t entirely happy about the article being mostly padded out with cut-and-pasted union membership figures and various less-than stunning revelations of the ‘strikes at airport immigration desks might lead to queues’ variety.”
“I’m pretty sure the word ‘cunt’ was used once or twice,” he added. “That’s once or twice before each sickening thud, by the way.”
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