Duncan Smith Invites Businesses To Break Law

Patriotic work and pensions secretary Iain Duncan Smith today urged Britain’s bosses to lay themselves wide open to legal action, by openly discriminating in favour of British job applicants.

QED, say employers

“Now look here, chaps, for the last year I’ve been going round telling everyone that there are plenty of jobs out there for the taking,” he complained peevishly. “Now it’s come to my attention that you’re handing them all to a bunch of foreign devils, simply because they happen to have skills and work hard – and I have to say this won’t look good in the papers. Come on, now, play the game and give those jobs to British school leavers. You’re making us Conservatives look a bit foolish, and it simply won’t do.”

When the news was gently broken to him that employers adopting a strict nationalistic discrimination policy would be breaking the law, Mr Duncan Smith frowned for a minute, then beamed and pointed out that, once the government’s legal aid cuts come into effect, no unsuccessful applicant will be able to afford to take an employer to court.

Employers are not persuaded by Mr Duncan Smith’s jingoism, however. A spokesman for the Federation of Small Businesses retorted: “Dream on, baldy. Tell you what - if it’s all the same to you, we’ll just carry on employing EU nationals who can actually read and write, and take the trouble to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ to customers instead of yawning and grunting ‘orright mate’ at them.”

“Meanwhile, perhaps you could come up with an education policy that works,” he added.