Toyota Confident Of Developing A Working Car By 2020

Excited engineers at leading dud car manufacturer Toyota announced today that they are now probably less than ten years away from developing a car that actually works.

“We have been building prototypes at a rate of approximately eight million a year for some time now,” said head designer Honto Kamikaze. “And each terrifying defect that appears in those testbeds takes us one step closer to our ultimate goal of a reliable car.”

TV's Stewart Lee test drives one of Toyota's comedy vehicles

Toyota has cemented a reputation for road-testing its prototypes under ultra-realistic conditions, with a vast beta-testing program involving millions of drivers all over the world voluntarily testing the experimental vehicles to self-destruction – a process that can take as long as six weeks.

“We’ve just found out that all of our Highlander and Lexus RX400h hybrid prototypes are displaying an interesting tendency to grind to a halt because of a blown fuse,” smiled Mr Kamikaze. “It seems that this fuse thing is notoriously prone to breakage, and therefore we’ve taken the precaution of recalling the 110,000 development vehicles so we can rip out these defective parts.”

“We can botch a quick fix by soldering the bare wire ends together, and I daresay we’ll be deleting fuses altogether from future test models,” he explained. “Statistically, every single vehicle we’ve made in the last 18 months has now been returned to have at least one fundamental design fault patched up – so, with the aid of this unparalleled store of data on how not to build a car, by a simple process of trial and error we must surely get it right one day.”