Friday, 11 March 2011

Internet Utterly Swamped By Footage Of Tsunami

Sony's TV factory seems to have exploded
The world has been left shocked and reeling today, after a massive wave of footage thundered out of Japan in the wake of a massive earthquake and swamped the internet before people’s very eyes.

“I just logged onto Facebook to pass on this pants-wettingly hilarious picture I found of some utter retard doing something slightly unconventional that I wouldn’t do myself,” said leading social networker Josh Geake. “And I was bowled over by a mass of video clips showing lots of people standing in streets and things falling off shelves in a supermarket.”

Worse, however, was to follow.

“As the page scrolled relentlessly down and down, I saw some ring binders flapping wildly in a filing unit,” stammered Mr Geake. “Then I saw a man wearing a pair of headphones talking over an internet connection, saying he was perfectly OK although he had taken the precaution of hiding under a desk for five minutes. His internet connection was down but luckily his neighbour’s wasn’t, and on top of that he couldn’t get a signal on his mobile. I just can’t imagine that happening to me. The horror… the horror...”

Even as he spoke, Mr Geake’s newsfeed shuddered with afterposts of footage showing a fishing boat cresting a large wave - as fishing boats often do – and cars being pushed about like toys by the advancing floodwaters.

And then, as experts feared, the expected wall of trite comments struck.

“omg!!!” texted one stunned victim in London, David Pr1meCameron. “its rly rly bad! soz to evry1 in jpn!”

Another horrified networker, Will-I-Am Hague, just managed to tell the world, “<3<3<3 2 ma jap homyz. Gotta go 4 cobra mtg bak laterz,” before he vanished under the murky tide of links to the BBC and CNN websites.

As the world looked on in mounting horror, nation after nation warned its web communities that they were about to be swamped by an unstoppable wave of dangerously inappropriate jokes, while the newsrooms of London frantically searched among the avalanche of detritus in the vain hope of finding a British earthquake victim.

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