Armchair Environmentalists Looking Forward To Hubristic Nuclear Blast

Told you so

As the situation at Japan’s earthquake-hit Fukushima Number 1 nuclear power plant goes from bad to worse, Britain’s tree-hugging community were unable to contain their glee, delightedly posting glib ‘told-you-so’ messages to the world at large.

“When I heard there’d just been an explosion, I was all over the NHK website looking for a satisfyingly huge mushroom cloud that would pour black, irradiated rain down on the silly Japanese population, serving them all right for building nuclear power stations,” said someone on Facebook with a made-up name and a picture only they found amusing. “Unfortunately this explosion is a bit crap, but hopefully it’s only a matter of time.”

“Why oh why do evil power companies persist in building their deadly atomic bombs right next to the obvious supply of water to cool their reactor cores?” wailed somebody else who is apparently a glitterdaisy, whatever the hell that is. “It’s madness. I wouldn’t be in the least bit surprised if the earth didn’t send this earthquake just to show humankind its insane folly. Wake up, people! There’s less than twelve months to the end of the world, and if you’re not as gorgeously enlightened as me then you won’t be transformed into a pure thought-being made of concentrated love.”

“I’ll be smug and irritating again later,” she added, “First, I just need to set this awesome footage of fleeing cars being engulfed by a black wall of water to the Benny Hill chase music.”

Meanwhile, everyone who has friends or relatives anywhere on the farthest edges of the Pacific Ocean, or ever went there on holiday for a week, is busy racking up the caring brownie points by solicitously praying that everyone they know will somehow survive the cataclysmic six-inch tsunami rushing toward them.