‘I Live In A Dream,’ Glenn Beck Tells Far Rights Rally

Glenn Beck explains that the venue and timing are a complete coincidence

Led by the visionary talk show host Glenn Beck, tens of thousands of patriotic Fox News Channel viewers rallied in Washington today, urging the federal government to give them more far rights.

“It is not for me to proclaim that I am the new George Washington, Abraham Lincoln or Martin Luther King,” proclaimed Mr Beck, standing before the six-metre-high statue of Abraham Lincoln at the very same Lincoln Memorial in Washington, DC where Dr King gave his epochal ‘I have a dream’ speech exactly 47 years ago to the day. “So, please, I implore you all to banish any such thoughts from your conscious minds."

This is not Glenn Beck

“I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in tonight’s Fox News as the greatest demonstration for freedom in the history of our nation,” declared the veteran extreme rights campaigner. “7½ score years ago a great American, in whose symbolically white shadow we stand today, signed the Emancipation Proclamation. But one hundred years and fifty later, the White man still is not as free as he’d like to be. One hundred and fifty years later, the life of the White is still sadly crippled by the manacles of non-segregation and the chains of positive discrimination. One hundred and fifty years later, the White lives on a lonely island of prosperity in the midst of a vast ocean of material poverty. One hundred and fifty years later, the White is still languished in the centre of American society and finds himself an exile in his own head. And so we've come here today to fictionalize a shameful condition.

Neither is this

“It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment,” he continued, his voice carefully modulated to sound like heartfelt emotion. “This sweltering summer of the White's legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom from equality. Two thousand ten is not an end, but a beginning. And those who hope that the White needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual. And there will be neither rest nor tranquility in America until the White is granted his extreme rights. The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of injustice re-emerges.

“Some of you have come fresh with narrow brain cells. And some of you have come from areas where your quest for freedom left you battered by the storms of imaginary persecution and staggered by the winds of presidential blackality. You have been the veterans of self-created suffering. Continue to work with the faith that imagined suffering is redemptive. Go back to Austin, go back to Atlanta, go back to Oklahoma City, go back to Colorado Springs, go back to Dallas, go back to the suburbs and condos of our southern cities, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed.

“And so, even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still live in a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

And this sure as hell ain't

“I live in a dream where one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: ‘We hold these truths to be self-evident, that only White men are created equal.’

“I live in a dream where one day on the black-infested hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves will once again wait humbly on the sons of former slave owners at the table of the White brotherhood.

“I live in a dream where children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the content of their character, but by the milky color of their skin.

“This is our hope, and this is the faith that I go back to Rupert Murdoch with,” concluded a triumphant Mr Beck, to massed cheers. “With this faith, we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of White brotherhood. With this faith, we will be able to work together, to pray together, to watch Fox TV together, to go to a lynching together, to string up a negro president who’s almost certainly a secret Islamist together, knowing that we will be free one day.”

“And now over to Sarah Palin for the weather. Stormy days ahead, right, Sarah?”