Regulator’s Startling Claim: Two Out Of Six Energy Suppliers Might Be Telling The Truth

Energy salesmen are working on new, improved lies

Consumers have reacted with shock and amazement to the disturbing claim by energy regulator Ofgem that two out of the six leading domestic suppliers of gas and electricity may not be lying through their teeth when their aggressively fast-talking wide boys doorstep you.

“We investigated a complaint made to Consumer Direct helpline by one elderly householder in the South West,” said a spokesman for the regulatory body, “And, to our great surprise, we found that the people who lived round the corner really had just switched suppliers to the one that was being rammed down the complainant’s throat by the thug in an ill-fitting suit who wouldn’t shut up and go away.”

Intrigued Ofgem investigators sifted through the files and discovered that a similar case existed, but had not been drawn to anybody’s attention at the time because the investigator didn’t think anybody would believe it.

“We apologise to our customers for this uncharacteristic lapse,” said a spokesman for British Gas, one of the firms caught telling the truth. “We realise that we have fallen far short of the standards of behaviour people expect from a large corporate giant. We take lying about our services very seriously, and the miscreant has been identified and dismissed for gross misconduct.”

“We are, of course, aware that customers who change suppliers do so, not in any realistic hope that the service will be any better or cheaper, but simply because they’ve fed up to the back teeth with the gang of thieves they’re currently saddled with,” he continued. “We fully appreciate that they would gladly sign a 12-month contract with Hitler, fondly imagining that the withdrawal of their custom will send shockwaves of imminent financial collapse to the directors of their existing supplier.”

“We would therefore like to take this opportunity to assure the public that, in future, all of our door-to-door and telesales associates will only feed them the usual crock of horseshit they have come to expect,” he added.