Planning Authorities Should Be Replaced By Unabashed Bribery, Says Think Tank

12 grand per yokel ought to cover this nicely

Council planning departments could be shut down, announced think-tank Policy Exchange today, if developers were simply allowed to bribe local residents.

“We currently labour under an outdated planning system where expensive planning officers keep sticking their oar in, constantly moaning about irrelevant rubbish like ‘street scene’, ‘severe access problems’ and ‘conservation areas’, and spouting incomprehensible jargon like ‘inappropriate’, ‘sprawl’ and ‘blight’,” explained the report’s editor, Natalie Evans. “All of this gets in the way of developers plonking down whatever they want, wherever they like. And they assure me that what they desperately want to build - more than anything else in the world - is dirt cheap housing for first-time buyers, and absolutely not hugely profitable holiday homes for the rich.”

“Why on earth can’t these speculative philanthropists simply dole out huge wads of cash to everyone in the area, enabling them all to move away before the place is covered in multi-storey apartments?” she implored. “That seems much fairer to me. I’ve got my eye on a nice spot down in Mevagissey, but for some reason those tiresome jobsworths at Cornwall County Council keep refusing to grant planning permission for a tasteful eight-storey apartment block overlooking the picturesque 18th-century harbour.”