The government is to ship the jobless to the developing world, it announced today - beginning with whiny graduates whose superior intelligence and education led them to believe that millions of well-paid jobs would be conjured out of thin air the instant they left university.
Under the pilot scheme, a total of £500,000 will be made available for up to 500 graduates to take part in 'gap year'-style overseas expeditions, working on such worthwhile development projects as diamond mining in Namibia, t-shirt manufacture in Indonesia and 'private security consultancy' in Afghanistan.
Participants - who, according to Lord Mandelson, should preferably come from underprivileged backgrounds, where they will be less likely to be missed - will be expected to contribute £1000 of their own money, as well as paying for their own flights and jabs.
"But perhaps we can come to some arrangement," smiled the Business Secretary. "I'm sure the government could waive the inoculation requirements and loan participants the extra £1000 and funds for the outward flight, on condition that any survivors do not return to the UK until they repay the loan, with interest, and pay for their own return journey."
If the scheme is successful in reducing the official unemployment figures, it is likely to be extended to cover all benefit claimants - echoing a scheme in the late thirties in which the unemployed were sent to Canada with a couple of buns, an apple and the guarantee of agricultural work at $5 a day, only to find themselves dumped at dust-swept railheads in the middle of the Quebeçois hinterland, and being laughed at in French.
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