Monday 27 July 2009

Alcohol-Sodden Joanna Lumley Finding Nepal 'Absolutely Fabulous'

A sloshed Joanna Lumley has been seen tottering around Kathmandu with a bottle of whisky in one hand and her Jimmy Choos in the other, to the bemusement the Nepalese people.

Lumley is revered as a heroine in the tiny mountainous state, having glamorously fronted a successful campaign to shame the government into granting Gurkha soldiers the right to settle in the UK, after they were deemed by tabloid editors to be too insufficiently pretty to be featured on their front pages.

"I am very happy to be here in India, darlings," slurred the actress, whose father used to order his Gurkha troops into certain death against the Japanese. "But they really should get some muscle-bound beefcake in to resurface these streets - because, you know, I seem to be falling rather over a lot."

Ms Lumley has already mistaken President Dr Ram Baran Yav for a waiter and asked him if he wouldn't mind topping up her glass, and told Prime Minister Madhav Kumar Nepal what a darling he is for living at number 42 with his batty grandmother.

She later staggered into the British Embassy, spoke condescendingly to the receptionist and went to great lengths to impress upon the red-faced ambassador, Dr Andrew Hall, just how "fabulously spiritual" she felt, before wandering off to trip over a nearby war memorial.

"We are very happy that the great Joanna Lumley has graced our country with her divine presence, after fighting for our right to settle in the UK," said a retired Gurkha soldier. "But I must admit that this timely reminder of everyday British behaviour is giving me second thoughts."

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