The long-awaited Iraq Inquiry was finally launched today, with chairman Sir John Chilout announcing that he would not shirk from asking the most important questions, such as "Where is it?", "What is the food like?" and "What is the capital of Iraq? Is it a) Tel Aviv? b) Baghdad? c) Mexico City? or d) Weston-super-Mare? Call 09016 161609. Calls should cost no more than 35p from a landline. Calls from mobiles may cost considerably more."
Sir John said the hearings would be "as open as possible", but some hearings would be held in private, in case Tony Blair accidentally let slip that British troops were dying in a never-ending war they cannot hope to win because he was too gutless to stand up to George W Bush - which could well lead to the total collapse of civil authority in Britain if it became known, and would probably lead in short order to the nation being invaded and subjugated by crazy bearded mullahs wearing explosive belts and forcing surviving Britons to learn the Koran by heart or have their hands cut off.
While the inquiry would mainly cover the last eight years, added Sir John, it would also be put into an historical context.
"We will be investigating reports that the problems stem from the ambitions of Babylon, which seems to have been founded in ancient Mesopotamia - roughly corresponding to modern Iraq - by Sargon of Akkad, about 35 centuries ago," he explained. "When his successor, Hammurabi, created the first code of laws, things appeared to calm down a bit. However, revolts during the reign of Sennacherib of Assyria swiftly led to the destruction of Babylon. Although the city was rebuilt, its subsequent part in the revolt against Ashurbanipal led to its 'purification'."
"All of this seems highly relevant to recent events, and I shall be calling all of these persons to testify before the committee in due course," said Sir John. "I am, of course, determined to avoid a long drawn-out inquiry, and fully expect to publish my findings in my lifetime."
No comments:
Post a Comment