Tuesday 28 July 2009

MPs Call For Intermediaries To Stand Between Police And Protesters And Get Hit

The influential parliamentary Joint Committee on Human Rights has criticised the police handling of the G20 protests, and is calling for intermediaries to be introduced as a means of enhancing communication between police and protesters at future demonstrations.

"There were obvious problems with this policing operation," said chair Andrew Dismal. "It did not help that communication was so poor between police and protesters. Obviously, introducing an extra layer of communication in the heat of the moment will alleviate this problem completely."

Under the committee's proposals, any police officer wishing to strike a protester to the ground with his baton - or fire a baton round, or simply kill them - must attract the attention of an authorised intermediary, who will then struggle through the turbulent crowd towards the flashpoint. When they arrive, the police officer will then apply restraining, vindictive or lethal force directly to the intermediary, who will then make every effort to let the protester know what is taking place.

"The protester will then say 'Ow' - or some such similar expression of pain and shock - to the intermediary, who will pass the message on to the police officer," explained Mr Dismal. "The officer in question will acknowledge the exchange by jotting it down in his notebook, before moving on to deal with the next incident."

The Association of Chief Police Officers has said it will examine the committee's proposals.

"As long as our officers get some sort of outlet for their aggression, there shouldn't be a problem," said a spokesman. "We're not particular. We'll cheerfully twat anyone, as Ian Tomlinson's family will be only too happy to tell you."

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