The MI5 agent who visited Morocco three times while former Guantanamo Bay inmate Binyam Mohamed was being illegally tortured there "just totally fell in love with the glorious, golden beaches of Agadir," according to his boss, M.
Mohamed was arrested in Pakistan in 2002, where he was interrogated by the same agent - described in a revised High Court ruling today only as 'Witness Commander B' - before being illegally flown by the CIA to torturer-friendly Morocco under extraordinary rendition for further questioning, finally turning up at Guantanamo Bay in 2004. He was finally released without charge six months ago.
The British government's response has been to state that "the security and intelligence agencies do not participate in, solicit, encourage or condone the use of torture or inhumane or degrading treatment." It also denied having the slightest idea of Mr Mohamed's whereabouts between his arrest in Pakistan and his arrival at Guantanamo Bay - claiming that it simply assumed he had travelled through some sort of freakish time-warp.
"I appreciate that this all looks more than a little dodgy," said M, in a series of postings appended to his wife's Facebook status, "But you have to realise that the shores of Morocco are lapped by the stunning blue waters of the Mediterranean Sea, and can boast luxurious hotels, charming old-world souks, world-class seafood restaurants and scenic excursions to the Atlas Mountains. I once happened to show Witness Commander B my holiday snaps on Facebook, and told him he simply had to go there for a spot of R and R - and when he took up my suggestion, he found the country and people so charming that he spent all of his annual leave for the next eighteen months going back there."
When asked why Witness Commander B's holiday luggage included thumbscrews, a Black & Decker power drill and a small folding rack, M coolly explained that these were merely the ingeniously-designed components of a revolutionary new self-assembly deck chair which Q Branch had asked him to field-test.
Witness Commander B was unavailable for comment, explained M, as he is currently on undercover assignment in Finsbury Park, searching for a secret terrorist training camp hidden inside a volcano, the like of which the world has never seen.
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