Tory leader David Cameron hailed an "historic" victory in the Norwich North by-election today, after an unborn foetus snatched the seat from Labour with a 7000-vote majority.
As the foetus - to be named Chloe when she is born in six weeks' time - was unable to conduct her own campaign, except through occasional kicks and personal appearances on an ultrasound scanner, the entire shadow cabinet moved into the constituency for the run-up to the election.
"As far as I can see, the oddly-shaped creatures which inhabit Norwich will be well-represented by a foetus," said Mr Cameron, sighing with relief as he jumped into a helicopter the moment the result was confirmed by election officials. The announcement was delayed until 12.30pm, as many of the counters had more than the usual number of fingers.
By happy coincidence, Chloe's birth is scheduled to coincide with the State Opening of Parliament in September, after its lengthy summer break. The Queen is expected to act as midwife to Britain's youngest MP.
Meanwhile, the long-suffering public are already complaining about bored, uncontrollable MPs terrorising them in their homes as they kick their political footballs in residential streets, ride recklessly around public opinion, scrawl abusive graffiti about the elderly all over the local papers and scream loudly for more pocket money.
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