British society was rocked to its very foundations today by the discovery of a 'class system', in which people's future prospects are seemingly mapped out by the circumstances into which they are born.
In a report on social mobility published today, entitled Fair Access To The Professions, former minister Alan Milburn claims to have discovered shocking evidence that few - in fact, none - of the top professions are dominated by people born on inner-city council estates, whose siblings all had different surnames.
"I know many people will fall off their chairs on hearing about this," said Mr Milburn, "But it really does seem that the majority of Britain's top judges, doctors, lawyers, bankers and journalists come from the Home Counties, had wealthy professional parents, were privately educated and went to a proper university. Not only that, but the nation's worst check-out operatives, refuse collectors, squaddies, fast-food vendors, long-term doleys and repeat offenders seem to come from the North of England, Newport or Glasgow."
"Perhaps it's something to do with the water?" he speculated. "Because I'm pretty sure it can't be connected in any way to forty years of political interference in the education system."
Mr Milburn went on to say that the only certain way to guarantee a fair and level playing field for all children, regardless of background, is more political interference in the education system.
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