A 13-year-old girl has been arrested before she was able to carry out her sick plan to murder every man, woman and child in Croydon with a machine gun, according to a spokesman for the Metropolitan Police force's specialist CO19 armed response team.
"This toy replica assault rifle is being examined by forensic firearms specialists to see how easily the girl would have converted it into a lethal, death-spitting weapon of mass destruction," PC Savage told reporters at a New Scotland Yard press smearing. "At present, two possibilities suggest themselves. With alchemical skills she might easily acquire at an al-Qaeda summer camp, she might soon have discovered the formula for turning base plastics into gunmetal. Alternatively, she could have sold it for a couple of quid, and used that as a down-payment on a real AK47 from a down-and-out former squaddie."
PC Savage also said that the Met were looking into reports that the property in which the gun was hidden under a pile of clothes was frequented by people who may have had links to gangs.
"Cody-Lee Scowser, one of Merseyside's most notorious graffiti artists, set fire to a stolen car just down the road the other day," he added. "We are pretty sure that he was aware of these premises, as he collided with a lamp-post just outside the front door. It's unlikely to be a coincidence."
The 13-year-old girl is expected to be released without charge in a week or two, once the police have reduced her to a state of agoraphobic terror and downgraded the gun's description from 'deadly machine gun' to 'spring-loaded pellet toy'.
"Funny how times change," added PC Savage. "When I was a nipper back in the 70s, every lad in my street had an Airfix replica assault rifle."
He was then shot to bloody ribbons by his CO19 colleagues, who raced off to track down and execute anyone who grew up within a two-mile radius of his childhood home.
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