Schools will be given the right to discipline the parents of unruly children, under proposals announced today by Schools Secretary Ed Balls - who explained that the move is aimed at the small number of parents who disregard existing home-school agreements, which define what is expected of parents and pupils in the education system.
If the schools white paper is passed by parliament, teachers will have the power to bring parents before a court, which will have the power to make them attend parenting classes in detention, write out 'I must not encourage Sammi-Jo to call the art assistant a fucking whore' five hundred times or, in persistent cases, receive six of the best in front of all the other parents.
The white paper is also likely to contain plans for remedial one-to-one tuition for children lagging behind in maths and English, and the removal of centralised standards for literacy and numeracy - conveniently making it next to impossible to define 'lagging behind' in any meaningful sense, and thus sparing the government the trouble of finding and funding the tens of thousands of teachers who would otherwise be required for one-to-one tuition.
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