An influential think tank has uncovered evidence that Britain may no longer have a mighty globe-spanning empire, the like of which the world has never seen.
The report from the Institute for Public Policy Research - whose authors include Lord Ashdown and former defence secretary Lord Robertson - reveals that many states whose protection once required the most powerful navy in the world are, in fact, completely independent of Britain and now have armed forces of their own.
Senior military figures are said to be stunned to learn that not only is the Third Reich no longer the threat it once seemed, but Japan has renounced its plans for a Far East Co-Prosperity Sphere based on the subjugation of its neighbours - and furthermore, Comrade Stalin appears to have gone very quiet lately about his plans to export revolutionary communism by all available means.
"The empire now consists of about two dozen small islands - the largest being Great Britain - which nobody really wants, including us," said Lord Ashdown. "In the light of this, you might begin to wonder whether we really need to plunge ourselves further into irretrievable bankruptcy by throwing borrowed billions into two new aircraft carriers bigger than any battleship and a brand new stockpile of intercontinental ballistic missiles with multiple nuclear warheads."
The government, however, reacted swiftly to rubbish the IPPR report.
"In the language of international relations," it said, "The UK has a really, really massive cock."
No comments:
Post a Comment