A former civil servant has been cleared of obscenity charges after publishing a 12-page fantasy blog in which he imagined the kidnap, rape and murder of Girls Aloud.
Darryn Wanker walked free from Newcastle Crown Court after being found not guilty of breaching the Obscene Publications Act after his barrister successfully argued that he was only putting into words what every music fan was already thinking, apart from the rape bit.
"They are, after all, a bunch of manky slappers," pointed out Tim Owen QC. "Would you want to soil your todger with Sarah Harding, your honour? The defence rests."
Mr Wanker, 35, later told reporters that not only had he lost his job after being charged, but people were strangely reluctant to shake hands with him any more.
"I just want to rebuild my sad life," he said. "I have already rung my newsagent and asked him to put back a copy of the Sport, and I shall be stopping off at Tesco for a bumper pack of tissues."
"Then I hope I can get reinstated into the job of my choice in the civil service," he added. "I quite fancy running the Department of Culture, Media and Sport. Who's up for Jade Goody's disinterred corpse taking a non-stop bukkake fountain on the spare plinth in Trafalgar Square?"
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