Exclusive health clubs in London have been beseiged by applications for membership, following Tony Blair's appearance at an awards ceremony sporting a black eye which his former publicist Alistair Campbell later said the former prime minister had received in the gym.
Mr Blair's movements are a closely-guarded secret as, for some reason, a lot of people want to hurt him badly. However, members of the public eager to tell him what they think of his New Labour project now it approaches its natural conclusion have been organising themselves into teams, covering every possible location where Mr Blair might conceivably spend ten minutes on a Nautilus.
Although prices at top people's health clubs are kept astronomically high to keep out the riff-raff, devastated communities are clubbing together to pay for three-month trial memberships for long-term unemployed men, who will cover each gym in shifts, hanging around the hot tubs and plunge pools until one of them spots Mr Blair - at which point they are expected to twat him severely, on behalf of everyone back home.
"Of course, the smarmy little shit could just avoid gyms for a while," admitted a former Rover worker from the Midlands. "But we're relying on his colossal vanity to drive him back into his exercise regime the moment he finds himself having to breathe in a bit to button his trousers."
"Funnily enough, although we haven't spotted Blair yet, several of our scouts in different locations have noticed Gordon Brown skulking about with his arse out the back of a threadbare towel, apparently with the same intention in mind," he added. "If you see him limping about nursing his bollocks - that was us."
No comments:
Post a Comment