Dead Woman Proves Economic Model Now Independent of Human Involvement

The business community was rejoicing today over the news that an Edinburgh woman, Isabella Purves, continued to function successfully as a contributing economic unit for up to five years after her death.

"Obviously we're deeply upset to learn that Mrs Purves' dessicated remains have been discovered, lying forgotten in her flat, by police," said her bank manager. "After five years of automatic pension payments, with no withdrawals except for direct debits to the utility companies, her current account had built up a healthy credit balance and earned us a fair bit of interest."

A representative of the power companies agreed, pointing out that, as Mrs Purves' consumption of electricity and gas had fallen off sharply after her death without them feeling any pressing need to lower her direct debit payments accordingly, they too had made a tidy profit from her.

"In monetary terms, we have now reached the happy place where we can dispense with tiresome, unreliable human beings entirely," explained an analyst from the Economic And Social Research Council. "Not only has Isabella Purves proved that the system can function perfectly well without the need for actual, physical customers; but, as she has not once troubled a customer services department since her lonely demise, companies should be able to substantially reduce their staff costs."

"Obviously, it's not a perfect system when we are paying out state benefits to dead people, just so the private sector can get rich simply by doing nothing," admitted chancellor Alistair Darling. "We'd beat the recession a lot quicker if we could just funnel the money straight from the Treasury into companies' coffers. Unfortunately, this is not really feasible in an economic model which still takes into account the living. Rest assured, however, that we are working tirelessly to introduce measures which will streamline the system by eliminating them from the equation completely."

A grateful business community has nominated the late Scotswoman for the Nobel Memorial Prize for Economics. Meanwhile, bank and utility staff have been seen in numerous graveyards, armed with laptops and furiously tapping in the names of the deceased.