Wednesday 6 May 2009

New 'Armed Forces Man' Toy Most Realistic Ever, Says MoD

The nation's boys will be able to play with lifelike toy soldiers again for the first time in over a decade, as a British manufacturer launched a replacement for the much-missed 'Action Man' of yesteryear.

Now, working closely with the Ministry of Defence in a desperate attempt to brainwash children into joining the ever-shrinking forces, Character Group has created 'HM Armed Forces', a collection of realistic 10-inch toys in Army, Navy and RAF outfits - as well as all-new 'Demob Man' and 'Invalided Out Man' figures, which complete the range.

The former Palitoy version of GI Joe - first introduced in 1966 - was famous for its swivelling eyes, clutching hands and complete absence of genitals. However, the quest for extra realism led to extensive consultations with military WAGs, with the result that Armed Forces Man will now sport a disappointing, normally-proportioned wedding tackle.

Army Man will be complemented by a realistic Land Rover made of flimsy plastic, while RAF Man, when placed in his special exploding Hercules and Nimrod planes, can quickly be disassembled into a mangled assortment of limbs. Completing the set, Navy Man can be put inside a featureless black cylinder which is designed to sit at the bottom of the goldfish pond and be completely forgotten.

Meanwhile, Demob Man's eyes will swivel uncontrollably, and his hands will grasp a bottle as he struggles to obliterate the realistic memory of his friend Invalided Out Man stepping on a mine, while Invalided Out Man himself will come with no legs and only one hand, and will therefore be sold at a greatly reduced price.

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