Pressure is mounting on the UN to intervene on the ground in Zimbabwe, following shock claims that the impoverished nation's soldiers were being given elephant meat in their rations. Zimbabwe's national parks contain an estimated 100,000 elephants, although they can support less than half that number.
"As we all know, an army marches on its stomach - so 55,000 surplus elephants ought to keep my mob running around for months," said an unrepentant Robert Mugabe. "It's either tasty, succulent elephants or rangy, tenderised MDC supporters. Which would you prefer?"
"It's hard to find words to express how outraged I feel," said one tearful animal rights campaigner. "Naturally I was a bit upset when I heard about Robert Mugabe bulldozing shanty towns, murdering people who might vote for the MDC, and responding to the cholera outbreak by closing hospitals and all that - so of course I joined a Facebook petition about it. But feeding his starving troops with meat from elephants, even if they were being culled anyway to safeguard the survival of the rest of the herd? This is just one more disgraceful example of man's inhumanity to cuddly toy-inspiring animals that cannot go unpunished. The UN should invade Zimbabwe immediately and slaughter the elephant-hating lot of them. That'll teach them."
The Nev Filter sent an intrepid, expendable intern reporter to Africa to ask a typical cute, cuddly bull-elephant for his views. Unfortunately he was trampled into bloody paste before he could file his report.
No comments:
Post a Comment