Robotic anal probes have detected the presence of enormous farts on Mars, according to ecstatic NASA researchers.
Exobiologist sub-editors writing in the Sun immediately decided that the atmospheric methane clouds prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that the red planet is teeming with life, kebabs and lager - although more cautious observers speculate that the massive Olympus Mons volcano may simply be some kind of gigantic, planet-sized rectum.
"Jeezus H Christ, that planet stinks!" declared NASA's Mars mission chief, Wilbur von Braun. "I wouldn't go out there if I were you."
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