A Catholic woman from Portsmouth has bravely decided to ignore sound medical advice, claiming that the medieval misogynism of a former Nazi made far more sense to her than the pleading of doctors to terminate two-headed foetus.
The staunch twaddle-addict said that the rare dicephalous twins deserved to have the chance of becoming Catholics in the brief days of life they are probably going to experience between birth and death.
"To me, my twins are a gift from God," said superstitious Lisa Chamberlain, 25. "A bit like the hand-knitted sweater you get from your great-aunt at Christmas with three-foot sleeves, in fact."
The Pope is said to be urgently considering the weighty theological question of whether the two-headed child should be baptised once or twice.
"There's probably an encyclical in this," said a cardinal. "Still, at least it refutes allegations that the Pope is still influenced by his Nazi past. If he was, surely he'd be calling for the 'merciful' abortion of this hideous mutant thing."
He went on to advise the unclean woman to disburse herself of any notion that her selfless decision would in any way reduce the length of time she would spend in Purgatory for the cardinal sin of being born with a hole where her John Thomas should be.
Meanwhile, a passing bus urged Mrs Chamberlain to reconsider her decision.
"If that's a gift from God," it commented, "I really wouldn't want to receive any hate mail from him."
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