The ruthless, dictatorial European Union has cynically approved a ban on toxic, carcinogenic pesticides which will bring about the complete cessation of agricultural activity in Britain and lead to inevitable mass starvation, according to the government, the Conservative Party and the National Farming Union.
The arrogant Eurocrats ignored moving assurances from the UK government that the loyal British consumer would gladly embrace an agonising death from cancer, if it would rescue the much-loved farming community from the inconvenience of having to read the instructions on the many non-cancerous agrochemicals still available to them.
"See this? It's a carrot," said a horny-handed son of the soil with a comedy rural accent, a tweed cap and a muddy wax jacket, who was wheeled out by the NFU to create the impression that farming was in some way not completely dominated by huge corporate landowners and supermarket chains. "Take a good look, because thanks to the evil followers of Hitler and Mussolini in Brussels you'll never see one again. Fact."
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