Canadian Porn Killer Offered Cabinet Post

David Cameron confirmed today that Luka Rocco Magnotta - the Canadian porn actor, murderer and lunatic noted for posting chunks of his late girlfriend to all and sundry - has been invited to join the Cabinet as a minister without portfolio.

The PM is confident that nobody will get the chop

“Luka has an exceptional gift for making savage cuts, will screw anything that moves for money and feels that accepted standards of behaviour don’t apply to him,” explained the prime minister as he opened bail negotiations with the authorities in Berlin, where the maniac was caught.

“He’ll fit right in,” he added.