Nigeria Suspended From Commonwealth For Blatant Attempt To Hijack News

The disloyal African state of Nigeria has had its membership of the Commonwealth suspended, after shamelessly trying to elbow its way into news coverage of the Jubilee with not one, but two fatal air accidents in a single day.

Just ignore them

The first shocking gatecrash – in which an ancient Boeing 727 freighter arriving from Nigeria overshot the runway in the Ghanaian capital, Accra, crushing ten bus passengers who were as black as the ace of spades – disgracefully stole a full thirty seconds of Her Majesty’s rightful airtime.

But worse was to follow.

Not satisfied with their first attempt to ruin the Queen’s day, at least 150 egocentric Nigerians chose to die selfishly when a passenger flight from Abuja to Lagos terminated in a flagrant attention-seeking explosion on top of a printing works .

“This was not the scheduled point of arrival,” observed a disdainful Foreign Office spokesman. “The inescapable conclusion is that these insignificant coloured persons felt an entirely unjustified sense of entitlement to five minutes of fame.”

“Thankfully, the media saw fit to grant them just two,” he added, “But how is that supposed to make the Queen feel?”