Horrified A&E medics at St Mary’s Hospital fainted at the sight of the grossly-distended monarch swaying towards them, suspended by steel cables beneath an overloaded air ambulance. Unconfirmed reports indicate that, as the mercy flight passed over Hyde Park, tragic royal correspondent Nicholas Witchell fell out of the royal arse and drowned in the Serpentine before the Queen tragically exploded as she was being set down in an ambulance bay.
Shocked eyewitnesses claim the famously impartial BBC’s ill-conceived journey up Her Majesty’s back passage began at lunchtime, when the One O’Clock News was presented from the gardens of Buckingham Palace – although it is feared that advance parties may have been probing the royal anus since Thursday.
|Paxman will need years of counselling for that survivor guilt|
Tragically, all that now remains of the BBC is a forlorn Jeremy Paxman. Meanwhile, Sir Elton John has been executed in the Tower of London to prevent him from rewriting Candle In The Wind again, tragically reminding a grief-stricken nation of the Queen’s unpopularity when Diana died.