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“The role of HM Inspectorate of Constabulary is far too sensitive to be entrusted to some nonce with a sound knowledge of the law,” insisted outraged Police Federation spokesman DCI Kray Norelation. “Especially this particular trot, who’s already got the rank and file’s backs up by telling us to lose weight or get the shove. Is it our fault the toerags can scarper faster than our brave lads? Give us all a gun – problem solved.”
He went on to add that every force was actively trawling through its cold files, in case any of the uncaught villains match the description of a well-spoken, bespectacled , fair-haired man in a posh suit, who would now be balding and in his mid-fifties.