Half Of Britain Wants The Other Half Put In Cages

The older half of the UK population thinks the younger half are blood-drenched psychopaths, every last one of them, and ought to be clapped in irons immediately and left in dungeons to rot, according to research imagined today.

This is what they're all like, you know

“There’s one of them horrible young drug-addicts now, lurking behind the bakery counter and grinning like a wanking Jap,” gasped frail Edna Potter, 92, one of the 2,000 people surveyed by children’s charity Barnardo’s. “Have you got one of them wireless telewhatnots? Could I trouble you to call the police? I don’t want any of them young hooligans with guns, mind, they’ll shoot you as soon as give you the time of day.”

“What hope is there for childhood in the UK today if this is how adults think?” commented Anne Marie Harakiri, chief executive of Barnardo’s. “We seem to have forgotten the fact that most children have only killed once or twice, and usually because their victims goad them into it by asking them to tidy their room or go to school or something.”

“We aren't asking people to put up with being beaten to death by five-year-olds, but we do need to change our attitudes towards troubled children,” she added. “But in the meantime, you can always leave the vicious little fuckers to rot in one of the many secure child dumps we are proud to operate in partnership with Serco.”