Nev Filter Hastily Sealing Letterbox Before Inviting Prophet Mohammed To Make Tea

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Satirical newsblog The Nev Filter is expected to announce that it will be inviting the Prophet Mohammed to be the office teaboy, shortly after its editor has finished spraying mastic around the flap of his letterbox.

Peering anxiously through the spyhole in his front door, the editor – who is also the Nev Filter’s sole writer, designer and woefully-underachieving publicist – explained to himself that his controversial decision was being made in solidarity with French satirical magazine Charlie Abominable, whose offices were destroyed today by a petrol bomb after it told its readers that the venerated founder of Islam would be its next guest editor.

“Obviously, I can’t give a production task to somebody who died 1,389 years ago, even if he is the chosen agent of divine action,” explained Nev, as he climbed into a pair of asbestos trousers. “But I think making the tea should be well within the Prophet’s divinely-inspired capabilities, since I only drink coffee.”

"Please don't kill me," he added.