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Peering anxiously through the spyhole in his front door, the editor – who is also the Nev Filter’s sole writer, designer and woefully-underachieving publicist – explained to himself that his controversial decision was being made in solidarity with French satirical magazine Charlie Abominable, whose offices were destroyed today by a petrol bomb after it told its readers that the venerated founder of Islam would be its next guest editor.
“Obviously, I can’t give a production task to somebody who died 1,389 years ago, even if he is the chosen agent of divine action,” explained Nev, as he climbed into a pair of asbestos trousers. “But I think making the tea should be well within the Prophet’s divinely-inspired capabilities, since I only drink coffee.”
"Please don't kill me," he added.