Friday, 14 October 2011

Ex-Defence Secretary Left In Park Litter Bin

Eagle-eyed reporters who saw Cabinet Office minister Oliver Letwit leaving Downing Street this morning dragging a heavy sack followed him to St James’ Park, where they observed him brazenly dumping ex-defence secretary Dr Liam Fox in a rubbish bin.

“This is a clear breach of Westminster guidelines governing the disposal of sensitive waste,” argued shadow Cabinet Office spokesman Michael Dugher, on seeing photographs of Dr Fox’s legs plainly sticking out of the bin in full public view. “For all we know, Liam Fox could still conceivably contain vital information concerning matters of national security.”

Fox hunting - back on the agenda?
Apologising for his lax behaviour, however, a sheepish Mr Letwit firmly maintained that the old defence secretary could only be of passing interest to students of history, as all important military data had previously been excised by his unofficial advisor before disposal.

“As I was leaving Downing Street I nearly tripped over Liam, who was lying in a sack outside the prime minister’s office, clearly stamped ‘EXPIRED: PLEASE DESTROY’,” he said. “As I was heading for St James’ Park as usual to empty my constituency in-tray, I thought I might as well kill two birds with one stone.”

“I was under the distinct impression that Dr Fox had already been comprehensively shredded,” added Mr Letwit. “It’s just as well he’s no use to anyone.”

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