Tuesday, 11 October 2011

Blackberry Outages Forcing Chavs To Think

The second Blackberry network failure in as many days has left many chav owners of the once-exclusive smartphones in real danger of having to actually think about something whilst they are cruelly denied the means of pumping a constant stream of mindless nonsense into their peers.

These chavs might soon start thinking about the world they live in
Fortunately, ailing manufacturer RIM’s inability to run its own network is not bringing chaos to the City’s vitally-important financial institutions, as London’s movers and shakers switched en masse to iPhones when they noticed their office cleaners using Blackberries.

On buses all over the country, however, shell-shocked chavs have twice been reduced to muttering “fuck” for five minutes before exhausting their powers of self-expression and gaping vacantly out of the window for the remainder of their journeys. Bus drivers claim that glimmers of mental activity have been detected in some of them, indicating that the wider world - beyond their limited horizon, which consists of which members of their small circle are currently engaging in sexual activity with each other - may at last be registering in their vacant minds.

Older bus users have even noticed one or two yap-deprived chavs surreptitiously trying to decipher the black marks on other passengers’ newspapers, leading to fears in Westminster of a possible rise in political awareness which - if RIM does not sort out its act soon - could even bring about a calamitous increase in voting.

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