Survey Sticks Two Fingers Up To Perceptions Of Rudeness

A survey conducted by The Young Foundation has “pissed all over” the notion that standards of politeness in the UK are in a state of decline - claiming that the youth of today are, in fact, “far less fucking rude than the miserable old cunts who disrespect them.”

“I was absolutely fucked sideways by how central it was to lives,” snarled Will Norman, one of the report’s authors. “Civility is underpinned by reciprocity, or 'tit for twat'. Bastards treating other bastards how they would like to be fucking treated. Respect and kindness are fucking contagious.”

A farrago of sickening filth from beginning to end

According to Mr Norman’s report, the idea of a ‘golden age’ of politeness when people said ‘if you please’, ‘would you mind?’ and ‘thank you so much’ is “an outright fucking lie” spread by “pissy old farts who haven’t had a memorable fuck in their entire shitty lives.” Previous generations, he argues, were actually far more toilet-mouthed than the little angels of the 21st century.

“Jesus H Christ on a fucking unicycle, you should hear the shit the censors hacked out of ‘Brief Encounter’,” insisted Mr Norman. “David Lean’s original cut is four shocking hours of unremitting obscenity, in which Trevor Howard and Celia Johnson constantly brag about how they’d like to fuck each other bandy with a stupefying assortment of sex toys.”

“Piss flaps,” he concluded.