|Book your place now, it's about to get rather crowded|
“With median incomes likely to fall 7% in the next two years, this would be the largest three-year fall in median income since 1974-77,” noted report co-author Robert Spreadsheet. "Face it, Middle England, you’re about to become what you hate and fear: ghastly poor people.”
Already enterprising members of the underclass are offering courses to the downwardly-mobile, covering such vital topics as acceptable levels of aggression in Jobcentres, post-nuclear family management and riot-based looting.
“Well, if I really must join the scum, I might as well hit the ground running,” shrugged a typical doomed Surrey housewife, as her personal trainer showed her the correct way to hide her face under a hood.