Government Tells You To Look At The State Of You, Fatty

You should cut down on your pork life, mate

The Department of Health today unveiled the latest scientific arguments in favour of a balanced diet, urging fat bastards to look at the fucking state of themselves, for Christ’s sake.

Leaning out of the passenger window of a Vauxhall Astra as he was driven past today’s press conference, Health Secretary Angela Lansbury shouted “you fat fucking CUNT” at reporters, who responded by questioning him closely on what the fuck it was to him, the wanker.

However, flab-cheeked TV has-been Jamie Oliver slammed the government’s latest obesity strategy, calling it “regurgitated, patronising rubbish” and urging Britain’s fatties to rush out and buy his latest book of regurgitated, patronising rubbish instead.