Nation Of Alleged Optimists Ask Scientists: ‘Did You Mention The Economy?’

A typical British optimist thinking of the bright future

As leading neuroscientists published research claiming that the majority of the public are blissfully optimistic, the majority of the public found itself wondering if the researchers actually asked anybody what they thought about the economic future of Britain.

“I accept that I may well be underestimating the likelihood that my marriage will end in a bitter and painful divorce, and I’m almost certainly kidding myself about my 20-a-day smoking habit,” said typical self-deluder Bob Mitchell. “But when I think about the chances of my kids ever earning enough money to buy a house, it seems to me that they’re utterly fucked for the rest of their lives. Doesn’t everybody?”

Head researcher Dr Margaret Strangelove, however, insisted that Mr Mitchell was nevertheless displaying unmistakeable signs of blind optimism about the future.

“Never mind his children,” she pointed out, “He seems to have steered well clear of thinking about the rapidly-decreasing likelihood of ever paying off his own mortgage.”